waitress: i'm sorry we're all out of mozzarella sticks
waitress: sir please stop cyring
Me after walking upstairs: I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
hey could you hold this for me a second *gives you my hand*
when a game tells you to take a break because youve been playing too long
Whoever invented feelings can fuck off
"maybe you wouldnt be so tired if you went to bed earl-"